That's Right, Editor B*tch! And Shadow Harvest

Today there was very exciting news handed down from the boss man. It seems we have garnered funding for a real print magazine! Check out TheGameRev.com to see the announcement. Episode one will make it all clear. No more just reviewing games online, we are going to see our bylines on shelves all over the world. While this might seem like a little thing, what I know is an editor will be named and it's going to to be me. Who else could handle coverage on such complex and challenging games in a legitimate format?

Ryan might think he is all that with his stupid girly avatar, but when it comes down to it, the gaming world needs a strong male leader. One with bulging biceps, abs of steel, thighs bigger than his waist, and an ass that could crack a walnut. This power will just propel him into and through any obstacle to take the gaming world and ProGamer by storm. He can oogle his pinup girls all he wants but those girls will flock behind my strong, burly man lead.

I feel my ascension to the heights of editor is as predictable as the epic fail of Shadow Harvest: Phantom Ops. This week people will flock to the stores to purchase the game, proving yet again, that we gamers are so desperate for good material they will try anything the once. The boards were alive with how horrible the trailer looked, yet people won't be able to resist trying it out. It's awful, from start to finish. The little cheat sheet glowing lights around the targets? Seriously? You can't dumb things down for us, we are way more skilled than that. I would say save your money for something better, because you will be all alone in the world of Shadow Harvest while everyone else plays a real game. You can see the trailer here: Shadow Harvest: Phantom Ops , that should be enough to make you walk away.

Demon Lord out.

Ryan, if you noob tube me one more time!!!!!!

Demon Lord here. I'd like to take a moment to talk about a joyous experience I had playing with our resident princess, Ryan. I'm in the field of battle exacting my manlike aggression on waves of boy-like inferiors and things are fine. Enjoyable in fact. Every real man loves to put it good and hard into a few helpless men around them from time to time. Bullets, that is. So it is all good. Life is as it should be as my day of "Call of Duty: Black Ops" is exactly what it should be...VICTORIOUS. But, imagine this...crap faced Ryan manages to find a way to wreck my ecstasy. The little rat fink starts using a noob tube. A NOOB TUBE! Who in the Great Demon's name uses noob tubes!?! How cheap can you get? Learn how to use a weapon you actually have to aim with you coward! It makes me sick! I...I don't have words for the sickness it has and is currently bringing to me! SICK! Grow a sack you little chick! You think you're all tough because you can get a couple kills with a noob tube!?! AHHHHH! Stop it! Stop shooting me with that cheap, cheap thing you call a weapon! It is not okay!!! You see a winning score on the screen? Well fine! I look at you and all I see is this!

AN UGLY PRINCESS!!!! THAT'S RIGHT UGLY PRINCESS BOY, YOU SUCK!!!

I feel much better now. Demon Lord signing out.

Dead Island Trailer Review...whatever!

I don't know who Ryan McCord thinks he is and why he is so amazingly proud of his lame ass review of the Dead Island Trailer, but what is much more disconcerting is the fact that all these lemmings are rushing out to watch. 10,000 views in a week? I can do a vlog. I have followers. He just had to go and be the first one to publish it. All that rat is doing is jumping on the bandwagon. I don't even think he knows anything about Dead Island. He just knew it would be a popular SEO search and he's all fancy-pants trying to impress the boss.

If you want to be a kiss ass, go ahead. It doesn't make you a good reviewer. It doesn't make you a special person. It's not like zombies are as hot as demons, though the one that is running around with no arm and her boobs just out there, well that's just gross. Who wants to look at that. I don't like to see the falling apart flesh of a half degraded body, but that's what makes them so damn fun to kill. Anything where you get to shoot stuff is cool and we all know it.

Anyway, I am throwing it out there. What do you want to see my first vlog about? I leave it open to comments and votes.

Angry Birds, Angry Demon

Demon Lord here. Okay, I will give you that I am stepping out of my gaming forte. I had to look into something, given the element of hype it has somehow amassed. So I ventured into the world of 'Angry Birds'. Seriously? What has the gaming world come to that this is considered an entertaining game? Are people so hard up for entertainment that they will vomit their time away on nonsense? Clearly, the answer is yes. The graphics are sad. The music is annoying. The sound? Come on, I can't even call it sound. Video game programmers have harnessed the ability to recreate worlds of realistic sound and this is what we get!?! I'm ashamed of the world that this game's mere existence is allowed to continue. It is sad. After 36 hours of this, I could take no more. (Granted, it would have been more like 35, but that big pig with the helmet was really difficult to get. I finally had to waste a couple of my blue birds to clear things out so I could smack that bitch with a yellow.) I mean it! How did this thing get popular? Who would spend their time playing this? This writer is at a loss for words. And my cell phone battery is dead. I need to get my charger, so I can...call somebody.  Demon Lord out.

Tomb Raider: The word from a non-cheater

Demon Lord here. It is my understanding that a filthy cheat-bag hack may have already commented on this game, but I don't care. I've not read what he has to say as I don't read anything lying sacks of cheat have to say. I need to comment briefly on this. Although the new Tomb Raider mini-game is different, I like it. No, it isn't nearly as in depth or large as its predecessors. Yes it does focus a lot on 'team' play. Or at least a pairing of two. But my point is this. Finally, that skinny chick isn't the only means of completing one of these adventures. Like a woman could pull of the heroics that she handles. Ha, I say, ha! Now the developers got a step closer towards making sense out of things. Taking me out of a world that is clearly a video game and immersing me in a place and a time that I can believe in. A place where a girl can't get the job done without a large, strapping man to hold her pretty hand. When his round, supple biceps thrust forth that shield so she can gingerly jump off it. Come on, now I'm in this thing! As he plants his firm feet and sprays his hard spear into oncoming foes, I become one with the reality of this world. Demon Lord out.

Assassins Creed: Brotherhood, got to love brotherhood

Demon Lord here. Filling you in on my exploits on an adventure about man love. That is the love of a brotherhood. I've spent a fair share of time with this period roof diver of a game and I must say, overall I like it. It turns out it can be quite fulfilling diving off a rooftop, wind in your hair (or hood rather) only to have it end by penetrating a man's flesh deeply and sending him to an eternal sleep. Albeit, the clothing is limited. My avatar's clearly superior, masculine physique was endlessly cloaked in layers of assassin garb, but I could at least change the color, so that was nice. Now, I must admit. The brotherhood element of it was mildly weak. Yes, you can save the lives of abused men, only to have them serve your every whim. And it is nice to whistle and have them jump an opponent at will, but the leveling up of my man-servants was anti-climatic. I don't know about you, but when I'm training guys, I like it to result in a good climax. Other than that, the gameplay was good, the graphics pristine and it made for an enjoyable ride. The multiplayer was surprisingly fun as well. Ryan, however is a filthy cheating tramp. Just saying.  Demon Lord out.

If some people (Ryan) need to cheat, then so be it!

Demon Lord here.  This is an official notice to everybody out there that there is a snake in The Gamerev office.  That's right, a sneaky, conniving, rat fink!  Those of you reading my post know that my skills in the world of gaming are...well, they are unmatched.  I don't say this to brag, it's just a fact.  It's as if a wolf was to say he has sharp teeth.  Would that be bragging?  I think not.  As of late, you can imagine my shock when defeated several times by none other than Ryan.  The latest of these incidents occurred when I wielded my 'Sword of the Demon's Impurity' like Greg Louganis could dive.  Perfectly.  I used my large member to bash him repeatedly about the face and chest, yet he did not fall.  No.  His small breasted, skinny tramp of an elf took the abuse and penetrated me to death without hesitation.  Obviously, he is a cheater.  A filthy, slimy, cheating whore!  If that's how he wants to win.  Let him.  We all know who is truly superior in the art of controlling a manbeast!