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Monday, July 25, 2011

Apperently, Demons don't need to go to Comic-Con!

Demon Lord here. I'm here to provide you with a quick update about our trip to Comic-Con 2011. Oh, wait...I can't...I wasn't there! I was left behind! Words can not clearly communicate my distaste towards a slight oversight on our management's hands. By a slight oversight, I mean you guys made a huge *#$@ing mistake! How dare you leave the unquestionably most skilled member of your team out of the Comic-Con trip! How dare you! I should have been there! I should have represented the group in the fine festivities the week had to offer! How could you think that I wouldn't have loved to be embraced by the strong, chiseled arms of the greatest convention this state has to offer? Sure, you got a chance to delve into the manlike comforts of the amazing people down there. I'll bet you did a just fantastic job of pushing our publication to the people of the Con. Please note the sarcasm dripping from the text of that last sentence. That's right, note it! I should have been there. I should have had my own booth! It would have been the best booth ever, but you blew it! You dropped the ball! You screwed the pooch! You...well, you get the idea. By now, I would hope my point has been made clear. And by the way, why am I not in the 'Booth at Comic-Con' video!?! I sing like an angel! Like a musky, manly, demonic angel! How could you pass up on a hero like myself who reeks of amazingness!?! That's right, I reek!!! Of amazingness!!! Well, I hope you all had fun. NOT!!!

Friday, April 15, 2011

Making Men Kneel Before me: Dragon Age II

Demon Lord here. Because I cannot even begin to discuss the utter betrayal of not getting the editor position, today I am writing about a new epic where I was able to wield my manhood over hordes of angry boys. Of course, I will say the fact that it is an outsider is still significantly better than it being Ryan McCord...anyway, "Dragon Age 2" is what I speak of. Mind you and this is important, I was not able to be a demon. This is a nearly unforgivable weakness in the mind of this writer. It took a great deal of time for me to come to terms with my smooth, supple, human skin. I couldn't imagine a fantasy world where I was made up of mere mortal man parts. However, I was finally able to come to terms with this once I delved into the game play. "Dragon Age II" presented me with an interesting combination of action game play and an in depth role playing experience. Once I figured out how to lay waste to every man that came at me, I was hooked. They just kept coming and coming and coming and I relished every moment. To me there is nothing quite like a bunch of angry men coming at you. It was appealing. Splendid even. I handled their forward attempts to make me submit with ease. I am however a gaming god. Let us not forget that. This isn't the first time I have had a man on his knees before me...and it won't be the last. The interpersonal connections you can forge between the characters enrich the gaming experience. It is however very difficult to get any of the men to engage in biblical relations. I don't know about that last part personally, I heard it from somebody else. I wouldn't try to do that! That's sick! Why would you think that I tried to do that! I DIDN'T!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! I WANT TO HAVE THE SEX WITH FEMALES, DAMN IT!!!! Demon Lord out.

Monday, April 4, 2011

That's Right, Editor B*tch! And Shadow Harvest

Today there was very exciting news handed down from the boss man. It seems we have garnered funding for a real print magazine! Check out to see the announcement. Episode one will make it all clear. No more just reviewing games online, we are going to see our bylines on shelves all over the world. While this might seem like a little thing, what I know is an editor will be named and it's going to to be me. Who else could handle coverage on such complex and challenging games in a legitimate format?

Ryan might think he is all that with his stupid girly avatar, but when it comes down to it, the gaming world needs a strong male leader. One with bulging biceps, abs of steel, thighs bigger than his waist, and an ass that could crack a walnut. This power will just propel him into and through any obstacle to take the gaming world and ProGamer by storm. He can oogle his pinup girls all he wants but those girls will flock behind my strong, burly man lead.

I feel my ascension to the heights of editor is as predictable as the epic fail of Shadow Harvest: Phantom Ops. This week people will flock to the stores to purchase the game, proving yet again, that we gamers are so desperate for good material they will try anything the once. The boards were alive with how horrible the trailer looked, yet people won't be able to resist trying it out. It's awful, from start to finish. The little cheat sheet glowing lights around the targets? Seriously? You can't dumb things down for us, we are way more skilled than that. I would say save your money for something better, because you will be all alone in the world of Shadow Harvest while everyone else plays a real game. You can see the trailer here: Shadow Harvest: Phantom Ops , that should be enough to make you walk away.

Demon Lord out.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Ryan, if you noob tube me one more time!!!!!!

Demon Lord here. I'd like to take a moment to talk about a joyous experience I had playing with our resident princess, Ryan. I'm in the field of battle exacting my manlike aggression on waves of boy-like inferiors and things are fine. Enjoyable in fact. Every real man loves to put it good and hard into a few helpless men around them from time to time. Bullets, that is. So it is all good. Life is as it should be as my day of "Call of Duty: Black Ops" is exactly what it should be...VICTORIOUS. But, imagine this...crap faced Ryan manages to find a way to wreck my ecstasy. The little rat fink starts using a noob tube. A NOOB TUBE! Who in the Great Demon's name uses noob tubes!?! How cheap can you get? Learn how to use a weapon you actually have to aim with you coward! It makes me sick! I...I don't have words for the sickness it has and is currently bringing to me! SICK! Grow a sack you little chick! You think you're all tough because you can get a couple kills with a noob tube!?! AHHHHH! Stop it! Stop shooting me with that cheap, cheap thing you call a weapon! It is not okay!!! You see a winning score on the screen? Well fine! I look at you and all I see is this!


I feel much better now. Demon Lord signing out.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Dead Island Trailer Review...whatever!

I don't know who Ryan McCord thinks he is and why he is so amazingly proud of his lame ass review of the Dead Island Trailer, but what is much more disconcerting is the fact that all these lemmings are rushing out to watch. 10,000 views in a week? I can do a vlog. I have followers. He just had to go and be the first one to publish it. All that rat is doing is jumping on the bandwagon. I don't even think he knows anything about Dead Island. He just knew it would be a popular SEO search and he's all fancy-pants trying to impress the boss.

If you want to be a kiss ass, go ahead. It doesn't make you a good reviewer. It doesn't make you a special person. It's not like zombies are as hot as demons, though the one that is running around with no arm and her boobs just out there, well that's just gross. Who wants to look at that. I don't like to see the falling apart flesh of a half degraded body, but that's what makes them so damn fun to kill. Anything where you get to shoot stuff is cool and we all know it.

Anyway, I am throwing it out there. What do you want to see my first vlog about? I leave it open to comments and votes.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Angry Birds, Angry Demon

Demon Lord here. Okay, I will give you that I am stepping out of my gaming forte. I had to look into something, given the element of hype it has somehow amassed. So I ventured into the world of 'Angry Birds'. Seriously? What has the gaming world come to that this is considered an entertaining game? Are people so hard up for entertainment that they will vomit their time away on nonsense? Clearly, the answer is yes. The graphics are sad. The music is annoying. The sound? Come on, I can't even call it sound. Video game programmers have harnessed the ability to recreate worlds of realistic sound and this is what we get!?! I'm ashamed of the world that this game's mere existence is allowed to continue. It is sad. After 36 hours of this, I could take no more. (Granted, it would have been more like 35, but that big pig with the helmet was really difficult to get. I finally had to waste a couple of my blue birds to clear things out so I could smack that bitch with a yellow.) I mean it! How did this thing get popular? Who would spend their time playing this? This writer is at a loss for words. And my cell phone battery is dead. I need to get my charger, so I somebody.  Demon Lord out.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Tomb Raider: The word from a non-cheater

Demon Lord here. It is my understanding that a filthy cheat-bag hack may have already commented on this game, but I don't care. I've not read what he has to say as I don't read anything lying sacks of cheat have to say. I need to comment briefly on this. Although the new Tomb Raider mini-game is different, I like it. No, it isn't nearly as in depth or large as its predecessors. Yes it does focus a lot on 'team' play. Or at least a pairing of two. But my point is this. Finally, that skinny chick isn't the only means of completing one of these adventures. Like a woman could pull of the heroics that she handles. Ha, I say, ha! Now the developers got a step closer towards making sense out of things. Taking me out of a world that is clearly a video game and immersing me in a place and a time that I can believe in. A place where a girl can't get the job done without a large, strapping man to hold her pretty hand. When his round, supple biceps thrust forth that shield so she can gingerly jump off it. Come on, now I'm in this thing! As he plants his firm feet and sprays his hard spear into oncoming foes, I become one with the reality of this world. Demon Lord out.